I like to plan. I’m a big time planner.
I like agendas, itineraries and schedules.
I was all about bedtimes, nap times, and “relax times” – for all of us.
I was also unable to find flexibility in my routine.
Ryan would constantly say to me, “why can’t you just go with the flow?”
And I couldn’t even comprehend what that meant.
He’d changed dinner plans as I was making dinner.
He’d toss out the idea of taking the kids bowling at 9pm.
He’d tell me to take a day off work because he wanted to go to Disneyland.
He’d play music as loud as possible after 10pm and I’d cringe imagining what the neighbors thought.
It took me a long time to learn how to “go with the flow.”
But you know what?
Those are the memories my kids remember…
The spontaneous overnight trips to Disneyland.
The music their Daddy played while they tried to fall asleep.
The late night bowling with neon lights dancing down the lanes.
I try my best not to “widow talk” when I’m speaking about marriage…
But for this particular post, I’m going to talk to you as a widow…
I often think about the rigidity of my heart for so long.
I think about the unnecessary arguments because he wanted to camp in the backyard on a school night.
I think about the time lost that I spent pouting because we didn’t stick to the weekly meal plan.
I think about the nights I declined his invitation to sit outside by the fire and look at the stars because I had to finish laundry.
I imagine the memories we didn’t make because I was so structured and inflexible.
I don’t tell you this make you feel sorry for me.
I tell you this so you won’t be like me.
Learn how to bend.
Your babies will eventually sleep.
Missing a day of work or school won’t set everybody back.
Staying up past bedtime won’t do permanent damage.
And the laundry will happily wait while you search the stars.
There are memories to be made.
Go make them.
Go enjoy them.
Just go with the flow…the tide of love will carry you through.